PREVENT RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWNS!

Because of the corona crisis and home isolation, people are stuck at home. Staying home together for a long time is new for many couples. Usually, we wake up, go to work, come home in the evening, spend a little time together, and then we go to sleep. That has changed with home isolation. There is a drastic increase in personal contact between couples. This is good in some ways, but it can lead to increased conflict also. Maybe for the first time you are seeing certain traits in your spouse that you were totally unaware of and you are shocked. But wait! Do not judge yet. Do not let those imperfections break your relationships. No one is perfect. Like you are seeing imperfections in others, probably they are seeing them in you too. Take time. Step back. Do not make any rash decisions now. Let this pandemic pass. Then you could reflect upon your relationship dynamics more peacefully and make wise decisions.

Guidance for Couples During the Corona Pandemic

  1. Corona has provided us with an opportunity like never before to get to know our loved ones better. Normally we are so busy with work and business obligations and have little time for each other.
  2. What normally takes years to get to know each other now probably can be known in days to weeks during home isolation.
  3. If you are not married and are in a live-in relationship, this is the perfect time to get to know the positives and negatives about your partner.
  4. If you are already married, this is the time to deepen your understanding between each other.
  5. But remember, if you are expecting the other person to be perfect all the time, it’s not going to happen. Do not idealize your relationships.
  6. A perfect partner is a misnomer. Initially you may feel that person is perfect, but with time you will notice things that are less than perfect.
  7. Instead of looking for perfection in your partner, look for signs of love and affection. As long as that is there, you could still work on improving yourselves.

Why Breakups Are Not Always Bad

  1. What we thought to be a perfect relationship at one point of time may become the most toxic relationship as months and years pass by. This is not uncommon. It may be one person’s fault, or it may be because of both people involved in the relationship. It could be because of the influence of in-laws, friends, etc.
  2. See if you could resolve the difficult situations you are facing. First, see if you have given the best you can and if there is anything you can do to change yourself. Next, see if there is willingness from the other person to change and improve themselves in a way that is beneficial to the relationship.
  3. Remember, you can’t clap with one hand. Both people must be ready to contribute and improve the relationship. If you see the other person is not ready to be a team player, despite your repeated requests, that’s a red flag.
  4. If the relationship is failing despite repeated attempts to make it work, maybe it’s time to move on. The time frame for making a relationship work has to be determined by your own personal situation. But one thing is true. Be patient. Do not jump to quick conclusions. Do not make hasty decisions. I have seen relationships heal with time. Time is the greatest healer—if you can really give yourselves that time.
  5. Sometimes, breaking up is better if you are constantly living in a toxic environment that’s harmful for you and the others involved. If it comes to that, move on peacefully. Two people may still remain friends even though they can’t be spouses. And that is all right. The purpose of a relationship is to be happy and to learn from each other. If neither of them is possible, maybe it is better to move on.

Five Rules to Maintain Stable Relationships During the Pandemic

  1. Avoid negative conversations. This pandemic has brought a lot of stress into our lives. Regardless of the reason, when we are stressed, we tend to gravitate toward negativity. We easily get into arguments. If you find yourself in such situations, silently excuse yourself from there. Let them know you will come back a little later.
  2. Be kind to others. Give them the benefit of doubt even when you think they are wrong. In close relationships, it is okay to take a step back and let the other person have their way, as long as it is not harming you. We often think that by being tough and assertive we can change others. It actually works the other way around. Your kindness will transform them faster than your meanness.
  3. Show love in action. We may express our love toward others in words, but words lose their power if they are not supported by our actions. Sometimes, when we are struggling in our relationships, our words may not convince others of our love toward them, but our actions will. Look for opportunities to express your love through your deeds.
  4. Let go of resentment. For any reason if you have a strained relationship at home, at least for the time being, let go of all anger and resentment. Remember, resentment is like a hot charcoal. The longer you hold it, the greater your pain will be. For the next few months, treat each other normally. Maybe things will turn around by the time this pandemic is over.
  5. Forgive others as you would forgive yourself. We find it quite easy to forgive ourselves even when we make big mistakes. Yet, we don’t forgive others so easily. We see others’ faults through a magnifying glass, and we minimize our own. When you turn that around and start being more forgiving toward people, you will develop a saintly personality.

Written by Dr Kiran Dintyala

I am a board-certified internal medicine physician practicing in San Diego, California. I hold a Masters in Public Health (MPH) and an MD in Internal Medicine. I am also a Diplomate of the American Board of Integrative and Holistic Medicine. Am an author, speaker, and stress management expert. I am is the founder of Stress-Free Revolution. My mission is to alleviate the suffering and improve the emotional well-being of people across the world, and to raise the global happiness index.

May 15, 2020

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